My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
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