i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
