dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
