Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
