I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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