I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
