I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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