i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
