i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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