his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
