i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
