Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
