I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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