Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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