Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
