Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
