Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
