Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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