My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
