we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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