I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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