I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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