absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I need moral support for this bender
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
