Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
