My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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