i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
