She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
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he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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