I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
