Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
