i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
its liver damage thursday
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
