he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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