I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
