what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i think i just lost a toe
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
