is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
