My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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