Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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