I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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