fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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