A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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