her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
