He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize