it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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