u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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