I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
