yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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