Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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