i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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