When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
