I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
