So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
