Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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