Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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