I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
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its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
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You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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