ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
