i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
