I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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