Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
