we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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