I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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