can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Acid is not a monday night drug
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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