Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
