i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
