i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You need a sexual gate keeper
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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