The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
