Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
